bam bam bam bam

I did not think through the title when I wrote it. All that lurked in my mind was a bashing session. Oh ya, it's been a long duration of contemplations, confusions, consternations, but I guess I will go ahead. I know this may be harmful to my prospects, but, it’s been quite some time, since men gave a piece of their mind to all you women. So, here I go, on behalf of men whose demographics can be defined as follows:

Age: 24.5-29.5

Height- good height

Weight- decent weight, pot bellied allowable,

Other features: darkish black, grey, brown, blue, receding hairline (halo heads allowable)

Nationality: Indian, maybe specifically, in southern areas, inhabiting in TamilNadu, Kerala, Karnataka, Andhra etc etc

Choosy choosy

Often, I wonder what women want. Some of my pals speak of how they had to go through a series of downturns and upturns in their pursuit of that eternal woman. Of course, their faces reflect of profuse happiness and achievement even Sir Edmund Hillary would shy of. They tell me how they approached the "her", how she rejected him, how he approached her again and the story continues in a 'for" loop till the girl was good enough to accept or the guy had to take the alcoholic route of salvation (and of course there have been many untoward incidents on women which I won't touch considering the title, u know!!!!). Well, ya of course, we have grown out of Devdases and Majnus and Romeos, but, I guess we have our own Dev Ds. The whole point of raising this point, is to point out the simple logical point that, if a guy has approached so many times as illustrated in the "for" loop, isn’t it worth it to grant the poor guy a date and then go ahead with the rejection formalities. Often, I find the ladies yearning for their own Mr. Indias, Mr. Universes, Mr. Worlds, who themselves are yearning for another set of Ms. Indias, Ms. Universes, Ms. Worlds respectively. In these triangles and quadrangles, it really becomes a tough task to make ends meet.

Please let us decide, if you can’t decide

Well, this is something you must have heard scores of times. Evaluation of a 100 options which leads to analysis paralysis, but, women love to do that. Interestingly, out of the 100, there may 50 which don’t have any relation/connection with the problem at hand. For example, if the problem statement goes- Should I go for a movie tonight? The obvious constraints would be – with Anil, Robby, Chunky, Monkey etc. or Swetha, Geetha, Mala, Kala etc. , for RNBDJ or DevD or UMH or ABCD or XYZ (these short forms are getting weird), these are obvious ones, but the problem begins when the realm of obvious is breached. The constraints can also be, “

Should I start going for meditation from tomorrow or not?”

The explanation for the same goes like this:

‘cos, Asin wears a pink top and a yellow skirt in Ghajini, which makes her a good pair with Aamir Khan and Suriya, but if I wear the same, it won’t match well with Rocky, who should then have 8 packs while he carries only family packs, so if I wear green top and white pants or a rose top and a reddish brownish bluish pants, it will fit the bill but, that looked better with Roshni who could have influenced Rocky to come with him the last time they went for a movie, so, to fill the gap, I should come up with something innovative, but, I can’t be innovative, Oh, God why am I not blessed with an “innovative” brain. So what can I do to be innovative? I should go for meditation classes, but, the mediation timings seem to be at 5 o’clock in the morning which I won’t be able to make it if I go for the movie tonight, so movie plans cancelled. Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The code of conduct

Invariably, this is something which defines her. Something adorable. As often seems to be the case, the lady is supposed straighten up the guy’s life, who leads a miserably unstructured life, sleeping late, working late, a room resembling tsunami hit areas, let’s end it there. We adore you for that, but, it sometimes, as always, hits the roof. One day while perusing through the retail store, I found a couple huddle up in a discussion. While I was browsing through the noodles, biscuits in the next section, the decibel levels soon began rising. It seemed to start off over a pack of chips which the guy seemed interested in buying while she had objections. So the usual,

“Don’t take that”

“Just 1 pack”

“No, you are on diet”

“Just 1 pack”

“Then, don’t come to me telling your weight did not reduce”

“Just 1 pack”

“Don’t speak with me”

‘Just 1 pack”

“I told you not to speak with me”

“Just 1 pack”

“…….” (Accompanying expressions included nonchalance, disgust)

“Just 1….”

“You don’t love me anymore”

…..Speechless

Well, the poor guy would have dug up his grave right there in the store and buried himself up.

Oh, am not saying that rules are not essential. Of course they are, but, if people don’t buy chips anymore then, where will all the men making those chips go, the great companies whose bottom lines and top lines are built on them go, the blue eyed, gold toothed CEO who makes it to the businessline cover page go, the 100s of investors who have bloated the share prices of those companies would turn hapless. Whatever is the case, nobody should be ally to something which can bring our industry down, recession has already had its share of woes, and Ladies please don’t accentuate it any further.

Let the men have 1 packet a week, let’s draw the line there. What say?

The hip hop chicks

Well this is a special species which detached itself from the "homo sapiens" category long back. It comes back to our category when it grows old for lack of any attention from humans male or female, leave alone males.

I find this category everywhere. Interestingly, it doesn't take much time to identify them. Some obvious symptoms are make ups in each inch of exposed body, the rest of the body is covered with rags, there will definitely be a guy around, with those biceps, triceps, a weird hairdo (I wonder why they don't lose hair with all those gels), oh ya, in recent times they have also upgraded to six packs, 8 packs. He has this "bad-ass" look when he looks at other guys staring at his girl while the face turns completely into Darsheel safari when he turns back to his girl.

The funniest part in this melee is that the guy is not her boyfriend, he is more of the backup sorts, you know. He is used whenever; she needs a cold drink, a ride to the costliest boutique/salon. Interesting nah!!!!! Another interesting part here is that, he is just one of a category of males in the lady's portfolio. Ya, she maintains a portfolio of various categories of men which ranges from the slave mentioned earlier, to "prospective slaves" just in case a few slaves resign, "lovers, "prospective lovers", "banker boys", "prospective banker boys", "husband material" (no prospective husbands plz!!!). I am sure I need not delve any more into the portfolio mentioned.

Well then, I guess the punches have been delivered ‘Rocky” shtyle. Let me sign off, with my last few words: It takes guts to be a woman in this male chauvinistic world, and it takes greater guts to be a man to the same woman.