27th June 2020,
Hi, this is my diary. Who am I? Good question!!!! But, my system can’t process such questions. It just doesn’t fit my “requirement specs” document. Oh, I do have a requirement specs document, in fact everyone does who works with me. It was an HR initiative a decade back. I still remember how we created a document each for “requirement specs”, “life cycle development” and finally bugs and test cases. When, mobiles, money, robots can be programmed, then, why not life? After all it’s all a set of variables in play. There was this Multi national consulting company which was hired to offer value adding solutions to improve the quality of human resource. The suggestions were path breaking spoke the IT herald and there was huge ruckus on the programmability of homo sapiens. I remember a set of colleagues revolting at this, but, it was considered innovative then. Hmmm… I write this diary everyday, as part of my Life time database development schedule. It helps me to decipher the day’s events, analyze them and arrive at the defects and work on them. I try to improve myself so that I can improve my productivity and efficiency. What is productivity?
(%^&*&^*&^*&)/(@#%$%$#^$#%^)
What is efficiency?
($%$#^#&%)/(@$%$#^$#^#%)
I need to revise these each day to assimilate the idea.
So, what did I do today? I was working on a module for the support team for HJ Kenney. It is an awesome project, it is an awesome project, it is an awesome project. I need to repeat this thrice every minute to help me maintain my focus. It helps me assimilate the project. The project has been facing lot many defects over the last 1 month.
It seems that, “,the business requirements have passed bandwidth specified in earlier deliberations with the client leading to inevitability of the geography focus from India to Africa and resulting in movement of projects further down the pyramid”,. Our onsite lead had said something more, but, am not able to recollect that. (Deliberations, bandwidth, business requirements, movement below the pyramid, words to be memorized for the day, thank god I remember the exact sentence. Last time I heard him speak I could not decipher any of the words used. I hope I can use these words one day). I don’t know what this means, but, it boils down to this: work has turned leaner nowadays. There are hardly any projects and I seem to be the luckiest for having got this project. Its good work, I need to open this window which tells us if there are any bugs in the client’s application. If so, we raise a call, which in turn is handled by the software company beside our building. They in turn seem to pass the next call to the bigger building near the road and that in turn gets passed to a few more companies before getting closed. Everybody seems to crib around me, but I am happy. Hey, wait a minute… let me reprogram @#$%#%$##@$%$#. Ya, am back, I just added this feeling of happiness into my system. This is just perfect system. The developer of this initiative needs to be applauded, in fact, offered Nobel prize. Oh, I am getting an interruption…. Oh ya, the developer of this system died of psychosis a few years back. A few headline grabbing journalists had attributed his death to this system he developed, but, our companies had come to his rescue then.
Anyways, coming back to my day. After our call with the onsite team, we started on our work. I checked lot many e-mails today. I think I should add that to my defect tracker!!!! There were lot many forwards, some asking me to forward them to 100 others if I wanted to avert a huge calamity in my life. I forwarded that to 50, I hope I have averted 50% of the disaster. I had also got many mails from soniya. She wanted to convey her condolences to me. After our break up it was the first time I got her mail. I was excited. Ya, I have a directory of excited feelings. She had told me to move on. I have moved on about 100 times now, but, this one was special. Each time it feels special, but, it was special this time.
Then, I moved on to my work. I had just started my work when my manager called me in for my appraisal. First of all, we filled up the online forms. It told of my competencies, my defects, my appreciatory mails, my history, so on. My manager had returned from on-site just 2 months back. He was considered a stalwart in our circles, for he had spent 2 months in client’s site suggesting consultative solutions which had impact in multiple horizons including the market size implications, financial leverage and operational efficiency. He had explained these to us then, but, I was still in the process of upgrading my system. So I could not install those updates. Earlier, our employees used to spend longer years in the client’s site, but, now as part of the right sizing exercise, the stay was shortened to improve the client’s bottomline and topline for as always customer satisfaction is, was and will be our motto. I am very happy that I am able to recollect these statements, it will help me develop into an appropriate resource to leverage my intellectual and business skills (yahoo!!! I am getting good at this). Wait…. Let me update my system with this emotion. I will probably add a smiley too to easily retrieve this emotion when needed. $%, ya this smiley looks good.
The appraisal discussion ended in a great note. I was commended of having turned efficient and productive as compared to earlier results. I was given a 50% efficiency rating, with special emphasis on sending out good emails. I was however, rated low on productivity especially in time consumption where I was told I spend more time than required in the office. However, I retaliated saying that the onsite team was not clear of the requirements resulting in repetitive drafts of the business requirements and me ending up fixing the changes as bugs. But, my manager explained that it was quantitatively and qualitatively imperative that I reform my stated point of view to enhance my longevity in the organization as the bandwidth for error was marginal and can’t be compromised at any cost. He said that, if resources are competitively analyzed the topline and bottomline of the organization would take a deeper shit, sorry!!! hit and result in inappropriate incidences of … mmm… he used a word, which I am not able to recollect. Let me do a system search again…. @#$%#@%$#.... it started with a B, it was some BS, I think the word was Business severity. However, I got a promotion to testing deputy senior lower first assistant director. That means I have another 58.5 levels to cross before I become a Software engineer. I would be given a raise of 50 paisa this year considering the dollar depreciation the country was facing. Last year I got a 10 paisa raise.
Next I came back to the cubicle to find my friends leaving for lunch. I headed for the cafeteria.
I came back to my seat. And then zzzzzzz…….. oh sorry, I can’t recollect what happened till 3 PM. I remember coming back to my cubicle and leaning back on my chair with the earphones yet another number from “Superstar- the Don”. This was the 200th film of Super star. This time however, the superstar who had died 3 years ago was picturised innovatively. There was this banner of him which was technologically enhanced by Shankar’s team and used as the hero. It was an amazing movie with the latest sensation 23 year old naina skimpily dressed in each scene romancing the banner in the songs. This time however, the stunts were choreographed amazingly, with the super star’s banner fighting 200 of goons and not a single of them could touch his moustache. Amazing how they can make such a movie.
Oh ya, back from thoughts (ya I have upgraded from “sleep” to “thoughts”), I opened my eyes to find the monitor spitting out lot many message boxes. It said, “Please click OK to shut down. Otherwise click cancel to shut down”. I clicked cancel after a long thought process. The system crashed and then everybody came running to find out what had happened. The disaster recovery team was called and we went through the process of data recovery, Business intelligence analysis and some more. I was stripped of my promotion and banished to bench. Wait… let me add this emotion to my system. @#$#@ done. Then I came back at 1 AM. I am writing this at 1:30. My system needs to shut down.
Raj Windows is shutting down……
Saving your settings……
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